Stomach cramping your style
Have you identified yourself as a progressive Catholics and have looked forward to every issue of the National Catholic Reporter and other organs of Catholic dissidents and yet feel yourself moving towards obedience to the Church! Do the words "institutional Church" just not come out of your mouth the same anymore? Is the sneer when you say "hierarchical Church" just not what it was? Do you feel yourself even warming to Pope Benedict XVI and even found his book Jesus of Nazareth brilliant? Have you actually read the documents of Vatican II and actually see the purported spirit of it was a false spirit?
Have you found progressive ecclesiology to be defective and ultimately it leads only to confusion and to everybody being prophetic, but no one being obedient? Have you experienced any of these signs and yet your stomach starts to ache when you even think about obedience to the official teaching magisterium of the Church? Just the thought of a Mandatum still would give you an ulcer? That "Religious submission of mind and of will" makes you grab for a bottle of Pepto Bismal, but to no avail?
Nobody says that obedience is easy, but there is a way to make it easier! The problem is caused by exposure to too many column by Fr. McBrien, Gary Wills, and the like and a resistance to orthodoxy that shows itself in a upset to the stomach lining. This is a common mind-body response that unto now you just had to offer it up!
Introducing Milk of Magisterium from your local Latin Rite Aid.
Milk of Magisterium is primarily used to relieve that upset stomach when your will aligns with the will of the Church. Milk of Magisterium immediately starts acting on tiny bacterial critters know as dissidentium. Often times this can also result in painful cramping and severe diarrhea calleddissentery.
Milk of Magisterium is dosed at approximate 500mg to 1.5g in adults and works by simple dissidentium neutralization, where the Magisterium ions combine with progressive and acidic dissidentium bacteria producing progressive antibodies that works to root out disobedient bacteria and relieve any dissentery.
A half an hour after taking a dose try reading Dominus Iesus and if you experience no stomach upset than you know Milk of Magisterium is working! If you can subsequently say "The liberalization of the Tridentine Rite is a great idea" than congratulations you are cured. If you still have a stomach reaction try prayer and another dose of Milk of Magisterium.
Now to be honest if you are already faithful to the Church and just experience nausea reading some progressive Catholic articles, you don't need Milk of Magisterium - this is a normal reaction.
Milk of Magisterium also works as a Paxative bringing peace to you system by destroying dissidentium and letting you come to have the joy of not only being faithful to the authentic (accept no substitutes) teaching authority of the Magisterium, but also the joy of digger deeper into the plentiful mysteries of the faith.
So stop by your local Latin Rite Aid for a bottle of Milk of Magisterium and put problems behind you.
Warnings:
Ask a doctor before use if you are still subscribing to dissident magazines or are a member of groups such as Call To Action.
Do not use with contraceptives - severe moral interactions will occur.
May cause alertness making you realize just how silly some of your previous views really were. Best if taken with a high dose of humility.
If pregnant or breastfeeding: Congratulations!
http://www.splendoroftruth.com/curtjester/archives/008182.php
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